When I was younger in preschool (was probably 5) Me and my older sister went to this daycare near my elementary school. It was a small town not much happened in it but it was home to me. When I was little I was shy but a very goofy child. There was this boy that went there who was the same age as me who was fun to be around. It was a small daycare so there weren’t many kids to hang around so I chose him. He also happened to be the daycare owner’s grandson. We would play games together, play with toys together, and sometimes I’d watch him play video games. Then one day when we were alone in the basement he asked me to suck his dick. I did do it but part of me knew something was wrong about it but I didn’t know what. I felt guilty about it so I think that’s the reason i repressed it. Fast forward to when I was 13 my mom was telling me the birds and the bees then that memory flashed in my head I got scared that I wasn’t a virgin but then the memory got repressed again. Fast forward again to my sophomore year in high school I had a life skills class and the teacher got to sex education then said stuff about oral sex and explained it briefly. That’s the moment I could no longer repress the memory because I knew what it was that I did. And for a long time I felt guilt over it. The next year for my junior prom I was nervous because the thought of an std from that time scared me (I realized later that it would have been impossible to contact at that age) I was afraid that if I went to prom and later found out I had an std from earlier that my family wouldn’t believe and think I got it from prom night. So that night I told my sister and my mom. My sister was very supportive and kind but my mother was in disbelief. After awhile I stopped feeling guilt over it and catching up to early last fall (I was a college freshman) my sister told me that she started remembering stuff from the daycare. She remembered that the boy that I hung around that his older brother had raped her multiple times. After hearing this I was filled with rage I wanted to hurt that boy that hurt my sister. But then earlier this spring she remembered more that it wasn’t the older brother’s fault it was the daycare owner’s husband that forced him to do it. And threatened my sister not to tell otherwise he’d hurt me and my family. After hearing this I felt bad for my sister but I also felt closure for knowing what had actually happened. The two boys as far I know the older one still lives in that town while the younger one I don’t know where he is but both have changed their last names. So recently my sister filed an investigation against the daycare owner’s husband and has told my parents about what happened to her. My sister also believes that the daycare owner had to have known what was going on. Anyways after telling my parents they have not taken it well my mother blames herself (even though she shouldn’t) she’s sad and tries to distract herself with hobbies and my father just bottles it up and gets grouchy sometimes. After all this I feel lucky but at same time I don’t feel lucky because I’ve had to spectate it all. People say I’m lucky and they counsel me when I tell them about it but I can’t help but feel like my pain is overlooked because it’s not as serious or as obvious as others. I don’t talk much about what bugs me the only time I do it with really trusted people (bless their souls) I vent and I vent or I just hide it all away deep within myself. I’ve gotten better talking about my feelings and expressing myself. I keep improving myself. I used feel awkward and sometimes was afraid to talk about sex but now I feel more comfortable about it. My sister also has bf who’s personality is that of an energetic puppy. The only thing I’m worried about now is my parents hoping that they’ll move on. Aside from that I have had a good life and I will continue to have a good life. I hope that there will be justice for what that man did to my sister.