I don’t feel sexy anymore

Tbh I haven’t felt sexy in quite some time. When I met my husband I was a size 12, which I was happy with because I didn’t really have a belly but I had a big booty and thick thighs.

Now 3 years later I’ve gained about 100lbs and I’m a size 22, I have what I feel like is a huge belly, fat rolls that touch one another and fat that hangs from my arms.

In certain outfits I feel ok about myself but most of the time I don’t even look in the mirror.

Now on to what broke the camels back.

I came in from work the other day, it was 3am and I was feeling frisky. My husband was asleep so I jumped in the shower to bath and shave. When I got out I towel dried my hair cause I didn’t want to wake him up and then put it in a braid.

I put on a black lacy thong (his favorite pair), no bra and crawled into bed with him. He woke up a little bit because of the movement and went to hold me.

Then he said”,oh your cold.” He still hadn’t noticed I was naked so I started rubbing his shoulder and arm and said,” maybe you should warm me up.”

He noticed then and was jokingly like,” did you drive home naked?” I laughed and started rubbing my hand against his boxers.

It took a few minutes for him to get hard but I just chalked it down to him still being semi asleep. Once he was finally hard he asked me to get on top, which was fine.

So I got on top and ya know started riding him. A few minutes go by and I cum,it’s really hard for me to cum through penetration so I was like thank fucking god.

Once I’m finished I noticed he had came out so I went to put him back in but he was soft so I asked if he’d finished and he said,” No, I just went soft.” And told me he was sorry.

And I’m like oh.... so I laid on him for a minute until he said he needed to go pee. So I curled up under the blankets and felt so small and unattractive. When he came back in the room he didn’t even try to get it up again we just got dressed and went to sleep.

The next morning I told him I wanted to start working on getting healthy again and he said he thought I was gorgeous, that he didn’t think I was fat but if that’s what I wanted to do then he’d help me.

I know he loves me, but while he tells me he’s attracted to me and that I’m beautiful,gorgeous etc I just don’t feel that way anymore. How could I when he literally went soft inside of me WHILE I WAS CUMMING?

I’m going to start eating better and actually taking care of myself again, I just don’t know where to start :/