trigger warning, abusive ex. and also stress.

recently I just got out of a relationship with my abusive ex. well we weren't official but like people knew. idk but anyways, recently I've talked about it with people I trust. see I try and help people out of abusive relationships all the time, but when it comes to me I make excuses. I even go as far as blaming myself because I obviously had to do something wrong? but I know I didn't. I even tell my close friends it's okay and that I can handle the pain. but inside I'm crying because I want out but I care about the person so much. I've never known what a non abusive relationship was like. I watched my parents have an abusive relationship for 18 years of my life, I'm going to be 20 soon. I just need advice on how to escape the mindset that I have where I accept it as me doing wrong and being punished.?