tw: depression, cutting and death

There’s so many things going on in my life right now. 1) My cousin passed away 5 months ago at around 29ish. His girlfriend is pregnant and she’s having his baby next month. I’m still not over my cousins death and it hurts. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in my family about this. I’ve just had to put on a happy face and continue.

2) It’s pride month. I’ve been in the closet (to my family) since I was 10. I’m almost 17 now. I keep almost outing myself as I was openly bi in school/around my friends. Pride month makes it so much harder. I just wanna be myself. People say being gay doesn’t make up/effect who you are but... for me it does. I just wanna tell my family i’m bi but i’m too scared. (Any messages saying “Just tell them!!!” Or “They’re you’re family they’ll love you anyways” or something along those lines WILL be deleted. They are not helpful.)

3) My depression is horrible. It’s getting so out of control. I’m glad I no longer cut even though my depression is worse but I feel like i’m loosing my mind. And once again I can’t talk to my family about it. My depression makes me so aggravated and aggressive. To the point where i want to hurt others or myself whenever things come up. And no i’m not on meds and can not get a therapist as I can’t talk to my family about it.

4) College and debt. I’m preparing for college but. Money.

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with any of this it would be greatly appreciated.