I don’t understand

Tonight I took a sewing class with my mother in law, and she ended up knowing someone in the class that my father in law worked with a long time ago. she asked how long we had been married and if we had any kids. To any other person it would be a harmless question, but to someone who has lost two babies, it’s so hard to just say, “no, we don’t have any kids yet”. I almost couldn’t hold back the tears that come to my eyes every time I am asked that question.

I wish I could understand why it’s not my turn yet. I don’t understand why I don’t deserve the one thing I want more than anything in the world.