My D&C

I found out I was pregnant about late March. My husband and I were absolutely ecstatic and I had my appointments and everything ready.

And it just went downhill. The first appointment, they couldn’t find a heartbeat so they did a transvaginal ultrasound. I was only measuring at 5w4d; we prayed and prayed it was just an early caught pregnancy but I think we both knew.

A week later, I went back to check for growth; I was already aware that my HcG levels were dropping. When they brought it on the screen, same thing as the week previous and this time it was showing it being pulled away, so my body from the looks of it was beginning to prepare for miscarry. But it’d been so long, I told them to schedule a D&C.;

May 2nd, I had my procedure done and let me tell you, this has been the longest month and a half for me. I have these stages of acceptance and I’ll be fine.

And then I just plummet all over again; and even though I know you’re not supposed to, I STILL can’t help but place the blame on myself. I know it’s not, but I’m still healing and it’s really hard.

My husband hasn’t been grieving as he should because he’s too focused on helping me get passed my own grieving. But he’s honestly the greatest damn support system any wife could ask for.

This doesn’t mean we’re giving up. It just means my first baby got to see Jesus before I did.