I need a parent figure for a second

When I was little, if you ignored his drinking problem, I had a pretty good father. He was a successful businessman, took good care of his family financially, took us on vacations, and was generally there for us. My mom had a bad temper and he was a very calm and logical parent in a lot of ways.

Fast forward to now- I’m 23 years old with a husband and a baby. I have not seen my now 70 year old dad in 5-6 years. My parents divorced when I was 11 and things went down hill. There was no one to keep my dads drinking in check and he became obsessed with hot younger women and appearing young. Our relationship deteriorated, he started dating a 20 year old gold digger, went bankrupt, lost his job to a sexual harassment claim etc. He was homeless for a little while when I was in college. For the past year or so he’s been living in a motel in a random state surrounded by pedophiles and prostitutes. A really bad part of town.

To understand completely, you need to know that although he was once a decent father (he still was an alcoholic and thought brought out some really awful sides of him), in recent years he’s been a really terrible and emotionally abusive father. He’s been sober 3 years but still smokes after being diagnosed with COPD. He had a gambling problem which may or may not still be present. He’s constantly telling me he’s going to kill himself because of me and that I need to send him money- and if I don’t he continues to harass me and threaten to get me fired from my job, etc etc. He can be exceptionally nasty. Also, you should know that he has had many means, opportunities, and help from me to get to a better place but he refuses to do anything for himself short of telling me I need to let him move in with me.

For a long time, I honestly was not in a place where I could support him. Then, I didn’t want him around my family (he has been inappropriate in my past and at least when he was drinking he was terrible to live with). My little brother just went to visit him for the first time in 5 years and my dad sounds so happy and normal over the phone. Hearing his living situations and how frail he’s become is really heartbreaking.

He can be a colossal, toxic asshole and I could never trust him alone with my daughter, but at the same time he’s my father and I remember the person with his life together and it makes me sad and nostalgic.

I have a house now and it has a sort of in law suite upstairs complete with its own kitchen. I am struggling right now considering to pick him up and move him in with us. My husband hates him, and I can’t blame him because he has only seen the awful things he’s done to me. Also, my step father helped with the down payment on our home and although my mom has moved on, I feel like it’s almost inappropriate to move my father in when it was there money that helped and that’s where they would stay if they ever visited us.

I’d have to lay a lot of ground rules and do a lot of convincing with my husband. My father gets 2k in social security a month and could help with bills which also sounds nice because we are working on major renovations as our budget allows. Part of me feels like maybe he isn’t so bad to live with now that he’s sober and that by taking him in, he’d be grateful rather than mentally abusive. The other part of me is worried I take him in, it’s horrible, and then I have no way of getting my family away from him.

Am I romanticizing a father figure though? Am I being selfish for even considering to put my family in this situation? Will I regret it when he dies and I did nothing to help him financially? I am so lost and do not know what to do. If you read this whole thing and are willing to give me an unbiased opinion, I would be eternally grateful.