unclear // rant

a few days ago, maybe a week and a half, i got very drunk with my boyfriend and other friend. i was pretty dtf all night and definitely dropping hints but the drunker i got the less i remember. i don’t even remember having sex with him very much that night at all but i remember being very dominated. i haven’t been that drunk in a while and i’ve felt weird and violated in a way i can’t explain since. i know we were both atleast close to blackout drunk and i know i enjoyed it at the time but it was rougher than i would usually say i wanted. maybe this shouldn’t bother me and maybe i shouldn’t have drank so much but i feel so weird about it. maybe i am just extra alert regarding sex and these types of things because of my assault 4 years ago but i can’t get it out of my mind. i’m worries he enjoyed sex with me more like that and that if i blackout i won’t know what will happen. it won’t make sense to bring this up to him now because i know he didn’t think anything of it and ive had drunk sex with him plenty before and been totally okay. is it weird to be more sensitive to things like this than other times for seemingly no reason? assault and PTSD work in weird ways and i just feel. off.