TW: Is it possible to not remember being abused?

Firstly, I feel terrible for even thinking this, I don't want to compare myself to people who have actually been abused, but I have to ask. Basically, I am very afraid of being sexually assaulted, and tend to assume all men are likely to do that, except close family and friends. I have had uncomfortable thoughts that I could have been abused as a child and not remember, and have worried in the past when staying at my mum's house, older brother sleeping on the floor and me sleeping on the sofa, that he would try to assault me. Which I felt god awful for thinking because he would never, and I've never thought about him before or after, but on that night I was too scared to sleep. My mum was assaulted by her uncle when she was younger, and I have a much older cousin who is a Pedophile (was imprisoned for grooming), who sent us disturbing letters from prison, with vaguely sexual content (e.g. Telling my sister to stop bending over in front of him), we were 13 and 15 at the time. We once stayed in te same house as him overnight, before we knew he was a Pedophile, him sleeping downstairs and us up. And I worry that something could have happened that night, even though I was sharing a bed with my sister, so it's very unlikely. And finally, I am very creeper out by my step-grandad (he's been my Granda since I was a kid, but we all hate him because he's just a prick). And recently I used a shaving cream that smelled exactly like him, and I started to get disturbing thoughts about him abusing me (but nothing specific like a memory), and had a minor panic attack. Later that night when trying to be intimate with my husband, the thought popped into my head again and I had to stop and asked him to distract me. Thank you for reading, and I really really appreciate any response.