Anxiety on the Fourth

Ok so I have never liked fireworks. I liked the community displays and all that but that’s about it. I didn’t like sparklers or any small stuff even. Like 7 years ago, my cousin and I had a firework fall over and it exploded toward us, even though we were far away from it, it scared the hell out of me. This year, oh my gosh it’s horrible. Like I switched anxiety meds a few weeks ago and they aren’t working. We did a few small fireworks early in the day and they were fine. None of them could go wrong so I was ok. But then I came home and my dad was gone and he forgot his phone. Well he drove drunk to get some more fireworks. So I freaked out about that for a while. Then I went to see my family so we could set off some night time fireworks. They were ok, a little too much for me. But then one of them freaking exploded and fell over. Like it burned my damn arm. So yeah, that tipped me over the edge. I had a panic arrack or two but then I just sat and talked with everyone. Well my bf decided to smoke with one of his friends. So another panic attack and a lot of anxiety. Then, driving home, I was talking to him because I needed some sort of comfort. Well talking to him high provided no comfort and I saw two fucking hitchhikers on the side of the road. Another panic attack while driving. Finally I get home, still talking to my high bf. Another panic attack.

I can’t do it. No more Fourth of July. Please.