What is he spending his money on?!?!

Question

I work for my husband and I just realized he makes about $5,500 a month. He pays for the majority of the bills (mortgage, food, etc.) but even so that probably only adds up to like 3,000 or so. That means he's got a grand or two extra each month?!?! WTF. He's always complaining he has no money (he does buy a lot of stuff)and makes me pay for everything our kid needs. Does my math sound right here? How should I bring this up without making him look bad or upsetting him? I'm over here saving every penny I've got. EDIT: that's how much he takes home and he has no debt or savings. You're right though, I shouldn't assume and we should figure it out together.

Answer

Do you actually know what the mortgage is, and any bills he pays? A mortgage, plus gas, electric, water, cable, car note, insurance, and groceries could easily be close to $5000. Is that his take home pay, or before taxes and insurance? Does he have student loans or other debt he's paying off? 
It's hard to evaluate someone else's finances without knowing all of these details.

Answer

He’s your husband you should be able to have open conversations about finances. You need to write out everywhere the bills go. It could be that you’re missing something or he’s just saving the extra. talk to each other!!

Answer

Depending where you live I’d say he’s not lying or hiding money. I’m currently a SAHM and we scrape by some months with my husband bringing home about $4500-5000 after taxes. After rent, our car notes, bills (to include utilities, credit payments, and loans), groceries, and gas leaves us roughly $500 extra a month to spend. We try to save most of it and keep our savings account at a certain dollar amount. We also don’t let our checking get below $200 and my husband is paid on the 1 and 15. Saying you’re broke or don’t have money doesn’t necessarily mean just that. Maybe he’s trying to save too. I mean we say we’re broke but we’re broke when it comes to unnecessary spending and outings, not when it’s something we need to survive.

Answer

I find it so odd that you don’t have a joint account....like I can see everything that comes in and goes out and so can he. Having separate money seems weird and could be used as a point of contention, manipulation and control. Not saying that people that keep things separate have these issues....just seems like such a weird concept that could bring on a lot of issues, you know? Transparency helps with accountability.
I came to our marriage with more money too and bring more to the table, financially. So it’s not just me saying this while spending my husband’s money.

Answer

I’m a bit confused. Is that salary his gross income? If you work for him, it sounds like he’s self employed. If he is, he’s probably setting money aside each paycheck to pay taxes at the end of the year. If he’s not self employed, are you accounting for taxes, health insurance (assuming you’re somewhere that isn’t socialized healthcare), or retirement savings? 
It’s odd to me that you aren’t aware of your collective financial situation. Your assets and debts are shared unless you have some kind of pre-nup. 
It sounds like it would be a good idea to sit down with him to outline your financial landscape and make a savings plan for retirement anyway, since you sound completely unaware of the full picture. Tell him you think it’s important that you’re making future financial plans and outline every dollar coming in, going out, and define a savings goal for each year to get you where you want to be during retirement. That’s not an offensive approach at all. In fact, I think it builds partnership and connection to have shared goals.

Answer

You’re married with separate bank accounts??

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my husband and I don't share money! we have our bills were results for, our own expenses... he makes more then I do but pays for all the Renos on the house. Otherwise, I don't really question what he does, he spends a lot of stupid money but as long as all responsibilities are taken care of then whatever...
on the other hand, I spend as I please and he say nothing either.

Answer

Did you take away taxes? 1k+ in taxes sounds right for the starting amount. 
And we dont know, you have to ask him.

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Um, I definitely say talk finances with him. Maybe not about that in particular, but you should both have a comprehensive view of your family finances. How else can you lead a life together? Plan vacations? Discuss private school? Buy a house (which looks like you already did)? Start a new job?
I think a sit down to discuss your financial situation and create a budget is a great idea. This will also solve your problem without being suspicious.

Answer

Maybe he’s saving too?

What is he spending his money on?!?!

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