I’m ready to talk about everything that has been going on and why I’ve been so confused. So me and my now husband have been together officially for 4 years and 2 years married. My husband has cheated on me from the moment i was pregnant with our first up to a few days exactly before we got married. I kept fighting for him to understand that I love him so much and care for him and really hoped he would change. I wanted to see him exceed in life but I think I’ve hurt myself more than I should’ve and now am realizing that i damaged myself. We (meaning I) fought through every cheat and disrespect imagined and we decided maybe we needed a new start so we moved to another state in 2017. The first 6 months to a year were horrible. He first told me I was able to stay home and raise our kids because that’s what he wanted. But he quickly started through it in my face 💔and i trusted him as any women who trust her husband would and he lowered myself esteem to the point where i would sit and just eat literally in the dark. I went from weighing 155 to almost 200 pounds in a year. He would call me anything from a low life to a stupid bitch that would never do anything in life and I just took it. Not the first time he put his hands on me and pushed me against a wall and got in my face and i took it. (Previously he had laid his hands on me in my moms house when we were Living there and my mother had to separate us. ) Finally he kicked me out in a T-shirt and no pants to the street and this exact same day we had contractors in the house so they saw me as so 💔. His mother intervened and talked to him but nothing changed. He would still curse at me and push me until i got a job September of 2017 then he finally loved me and thought I was an awesome mother and women but it didn’t last long because January 2018 i lost that job and he went right back. The last straw was May2018 right before we went to on our first family trip, We got in an argument because i realized i put myself in debt to help him and he didn’t care so i talked to him about it. He spit in my face and punched a hole in our bathroom above my head because he swears I’ve cheated with my middle school best friend (my husband was my first). After that i haven’t been the Same. I’ve forgiven him but i can’t forget the action, on top of all this my daughter started having accidents on herself because she was present when this all happened 💔. My mind set it literally on me and my kids. Everything I’m doing is for us 3. I don’t think of him or his needs. I don’t have genuine feelings for him or whatever he has to do. I just want to move on with my life and stop trying to be his doormat whenever he needs me to be or his piece of “meat” whenever he wants “meat”. So i wanted to ask you all of you ; i feel like i should just accept this situation and move on with my life , accepting that it’s a lesson and try to find the Me that i once knew and give my kids the world but i don’t want to feel like I’m wrong, like I’m breaking something that we vow to never break... Can you please help me ?

**UPDATE:**

After finally taking time to think on this situation, I’ve decided to get my life together (i got employed and signed up for school (College all in the same day) and once I have gotten all my financial status to a control (up to date late fees) I will be filing for divorce ! I am done and think it’s time to turn this into a lesson and believe in myself 🙏🏻❤️