It’s been a few years since our story ended and we parted ways. Our journey together although brief, was amazing in every possible way and I want you to know I will take that with me for the rest of my life.

I know you are bitter about me and how things between us ended and I’m the bad guy in your story should you ever share it. A horrible heartbreak that I never intended. I was the girl that screwed you over, left you in alone and in pieces. A girl that panicked and didn’t understand. A girl that felt so much love and affection and didn’t know how to cope. I wasn’t ready and I ran away, I thought I was doing the right thing by walking out of your life, it was the only way I thought we could both could heal. But I never did heal but instead left an enormous void in my life,one I am not entirely sure will ever be filled.

I know you probably spent a lot of your nights trying to erase me out of your thoughts, trying to piece together where exactly it all went wrong, the warning signs that you might have missed, all the things you could have done differently to save yourself that heartbreak. Your friends probably reassured you that I was just a another girl, someone who couldn’t appreciate you, someone who didn’t deserve you. You probably agreed but you always go back and wonder how someone you thought you knew so well, your best friend, someone you thought to be the one you could spend the rest of your life with could do this to you. I often wonder that myself. I know because I’ve been there so many times myself since I left you.

We are always bitter about the ones that broke our hearts, the ones that left us when we gave them every part of us that we possibly could. But what about the one who leaves? Do our hearts not break too?

I know mine did, I still feel the guilt, the remorse, the regret over what I had done to you. When you end up hurting somebody that you truly cared about, I don’t think that sort of guilt ever leaves you. You have all the reasons in the world to hate me for the pain I caused you. But please know that I was in pain too, I still hurt because I’m only human after alI, I am not the cold, heartless bitch you probably think I am. But maybe it’s easier for you to think of me that way, maybe it was easier to accept everything if you hated me.

I want you to know a part of me still loves you, I’ll always keep a soft spot in my heart for you and I will always wonder what could have been between us. Some day if you haven’t already, you will find someone who will treat you exactly how you deserve. I am just sorry it couldn’t have been me