Sorry it might be a bit of a story....

I found out I was pregnant with my first baby in March , I was 5 weeks. I was so excited. That following week was when I was told I’ll be having sickness and I was okay with everything that was coming with my baby. I had gotten to the point where I couldn’t eat nor drink absolutely anything (no water no crackers no prenatal vitamins not even the medicine they prescribed me)

I still wanted to fight for my baby. I was in and out of the emergency room every week cause I needed fluids. I experienced that up until 9 weeks then I started throwing up blood and couldn’t stand up or anything so I went to the doctor and they told me that my placenta was almost detached so my baby wasn’t getting all of its nutrients &’ my body couldn’t handle carrying a child as well as my hormone levels were so high. It was scary. I literally almost died cause I really wanted to carry this baby, at first I felt so selfish cause I had to choose my life over my child’s, but I was the one who made the decision , without the father cause he wouldn’t come around cause I was so sick and couldn’t be the woman he wanted me to be at the moment. After I made my appointment and had my surgery at 11 weeks I was okay physically but mentally I changed. The way I think the way I react. I lost so much weight and sleep during and after this. Still to this day even tho I made that choice I still feel empty &’ sad. I check to see how far along I would’ve been cause I really wanted to experience pregnancy and becoming a mom I was looking forward towards having a son. But I would never envy another woman cause she was capable of doing what I couldn’t. I just need someone to listen cause I’m scared to talk about it with someone I’m close with. It’s still sensitive with me.