Little back story before I get to the point.. this might be a little long.. but I need help understanding

I grew up in a very non religious home. I mean as non religious as you can get. My dad believes in evolution, he believes in the “Darwin Theory” and that God, Church, religious beliefs are all fairytale. Despite growing up in a very catholic home and even going to catholic school.

My mom never really voiced her opinion or if she ever believed in God. I honestly never asked but I know her mom grew up in church and of course believes in God.

As for myself, I always believed in a higher power, I always believed that there was more to where we all came from rather than Apes (as my dad would claim) but I did find myself extremely conflicted on what to believe in.

I didn’t grow up learning the Bible, or much about different religions, etc.

In 8th grade I was going to Church with a friend of mine every so often. And my faith became a little stronger. We fell off and I didn’t go back to that church. I then became friends with a girl in high school who’s dad was the youth pastor. I tried to learn what I could. Every time my dad would ask why I was going and it was all fairytale. I stopped going.

Just recently, I started going to church with my SO. I loved this church, every time I walked in, I never felt like I was being judged (I have tattoos all over me) they were welcoming, and the pastor preached in a way that someone like myself could understand and even preached in a way that always related to something that was going on in my life at the time. I looked forward to going, and I was learning so much and my faith became extremely strong.

Well, two days before Father’s Day, I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon, my SO was over the moon. We told close friend and family, they were just as excited.

Come Father’s Day. (Sunday) we went to church like we normally do. I was having a bit of cramping but didn’t think anything of it. I was praising God for the blessing in my belly. My little baby that I prayed so hard for. I was carrying my friends little girl to the car after the sermon and I started to feel wet. I thought maybe I was just having a lot of discharge. We get to the car and I do a little peek because I was wearing white pants, there was blood. A lot of it. I instantly started crying and we went to the ER. They confirmed my miscarriage.

I haven’t been back to church in almost 5 weeks because I’m so mentally screwed up. Why would GoD take my baby from me in his house? Why would he bless me with something I prayed so hard for just so he would take it away? I lost so much faith and I blame him, and I don’t want to. I talked about going back to church this past Sunday but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m just not ready but I feel like the longer I wait to go, the more likely it’ll be that I don’t ever go again.

Someone l, anyone please just give me some advice because I am so torn, so devastated.

I will say that after My MC on the Monday, I laid down to sleep, I closed my eyes and I instantly saw two Angels, one was holding a tiny baby and passing it off to the other Angel as they flew away. I don’t know what it meant.

I’ve been fighting with myself, if God really is real. If my dad is right about his beliefs and if I should even go back to Church. I’m so torn and so heartbroken. I just don’t understand.

If you made it this far. Thank you.