End of our journey

Heartbroken to say the least. Guess at 42 my body has decided no more babies. Two failed IUIs, two cancelled IVF cycles because my body wasn't responding to meds, two failed IVF cycles. Had only four follicles at retrieval on Thursday that only gave one egg. That egg was not mature enough to fertilize.

I've been blessed with three wonderful kids from my previous marriage (13, 17, 22) but it doesn't make the pain any less. The feeling of wanting one more baby is so strong. The want to give my husband a biological child is crushing me. Feeling inadequate. Feeling like I should have done more to get it to work. I did so many of the things in the book It Starts with the Egg but it still didn't work. Then there's the guilt of all the wasted money. The debt we know carry that is the reminder of failure. The meds that we paid so much for that now sit here unused. I don't know how to make this pain stop.