My best friend and I have known each other for so long. His little sister and him never keep secrets from each other. He told her that he thought I was funny, kind, and pretty. He told her that he had a huge crush on me.

He is so introverted and so sweet. I was talking with his sister and she told me what he said. She doesn’t just lie. She told the truth.

He blushed so much when I told him what she said. He hid his face in his hood. He almost looked like he would cry of embarrassment. He ran to the bathroom after I told him this. I felt so bad. Whenever he is sad, so am I. When he is happy, I am.

I am honestly thinking about him so much. I think I really like him.

I had a dream last night about the two of us.

It was extremely vivid and felt so real. Every single dream I have ever had are always vivid. But this was like I was actually sitting there beside him.

I felt the strong emotions that I had in my dream. This may just be hormones but I think there is something there.

I feel so comfortable when I am talking with him. He isn’t introverted when he is with me. He talks so much when it is just the two of us.

He feels comfortable and safe to say whatever. I honestly feel the same. We both love God.

😫 ❓❓❓❓

I am always wondering who I will marry and who will love me.

Idk, i just feel a connection when I am with him. At this point, if he told me he didn’t like me anymore it would break my enclosed, pounding, fragile heart that was beginning to open up to him. I am always thinking.

I think much more than I talk.

I am always piecing together realities and situations in hopes that one of my fantasies comes true.

This probably sounds SO stupid and SO weird.

But I need to vent. My family members don’t seem to care about my emotions and my lonely heart.

This boy I am talking about is transferring schools, which is very bad timing considering the fact I was going to go to his previous school. (It’s a kinda expensive private school, his family can’t afford anymore.)

I will he hanging out with him this weekend. But I can’t tell him then. He will be too busy watching a marvel movie at the cinema than talk. (We are seeing a movie together.)

What do I do?

I feel so lost.

(UPDATE) Our other friend could not make it to the movie. The guy i was talking about said we should reschedule. I am really sad. I haven’t seen him face to face since January. I rarely get to hang out with people I care about other than my family. Who knows when I will get the chance to see him again.

I wish I could explain myself in a way he would understand. I get so nervous when I make a mistake or pronounce a word wrong when I am with him.

I like him but I can’t just tell him how I feel. He’s a quiet, self reserved middle schooler. And I am afraid he won’t understand or he will think I am weird if I ever tell him how I feel. I know he has thoughts towards me, but he will NEVER tell me.

😥