how to stop toddler from screaming?

my 1yr old boy always scream and shout to the top of his lungs whenever hes upset. and hes upset all the time! when things doesnt go his way, when i leave the room wout him, when i leave the room while hes playing in the room, when i wash dishes, when a toy doesnt go his way, a lot of things. my husband takes naps a lot and hed be woken up by his screams, and gets mad at me that i cant tell him to stop. he listens to my husband, but never listens to me when i tell him not to scream like that. my husband says i need to spank, yell, and be mean to him. yeah, i do yell at him, but i dont spank him. i did spank him once but he just cried even more. i have gotten frustrated and yelled at him, which made him scream even more. i have been calm w him, he doesnt care. i have tried distracting him w other things, later on will get mad at whatever i distracted him with. my husband would get hella pissed and say im a bad mother. i cant control our son, i cant get him to listen, etc. idk anymore, what can i do?