So unhappy

I feel so low and empty today. I lost my twin boys and I can’t seem to ‘get over it’. People say I should go back to work but I struggle to concentrate. I just crave my boys and would do anything to have them back. I have doctors again tomorrow to check I’m ok emotionally and to see if I need more time off work. I don’t know what to say to her. Do I admit that I wish I was with my boys? I have three children already but I feel useless. I just want my boys. I keep having flashbacks and I can’t stop them. I have my 12 week check at hospital on Tuesday at the pregnancy loss clinic. I don’t know what they are going to say. They took my placenta for testing and I think I’ll get the results. We want to try again but I’m so scared. I feel like I’m losing my mind and am scared to tell those close to me how I’m really feeling