The unspoken

I am currently in the midst off my first miscarriage. It is early on but still difficult both physically and emotionally. Based on what I read before going through this I figured it would be like a heavy period and being sad. The first two weeks yep that’s exactly what it was. But all of the sudden it changed into a scene from a horror movie. No one talks about the gruesome part, it caught me completely off guard and sent me into a panic. After 6 hours of gushing blood and tissue all over the ER and pointless exams/tests I got to go home feeling like I wasted everyone’s time because I didn’t know this part was normal. Feeling gross and exhausted I just went to sleep when I got home. I surprisingly didn’t bleed all night so I figured it was over. Went to the store this morning and to my horrified surprise it was back in full force and everywhere in front of everyone there. I calmly grabbed my two year old and got back in my car and just cried all the way home. This is so much harder than I ever imagined. It is a never ending reminder of loss so it seems. I feel foolish for not knowing.