It all started when I was 14. He had a girlfriend his own age. He texted me and starting the most innocent flirting in our conversations. He was friends with my older brother so he was ALWAYS around.

Things escalated quickly. I’d tag along and go to the drive in movies with them where we’d share a blanket and he’d touch me and make me touch him under the blanket. The first time he tried to kiss me I was so nervous and it felt so wrong.

Fast forward to age 16, I thought I was in love with him at this time. Him and my brother were just the best of friends so he was always at my house. We’d have movie nights and just like in the beginning, he’d strategize and we’d share a blanket on the couch. One night my brother went to bed early and that’s when it happened. I had sex for the first time. I felt so wrong but I wanted more.

This went on all summer. I wanted to stop so I’d count myself out of movie night and go to bed early. So he’d sneak in my room late at night and me, still half asleep most of the time, would still sleep with him.

It all ended because my family caught on. They found all the evidence they needed in my phone. My mom wanted him to pay. She threatened to have him arrested. My family didn’t talk to me for weeks. Eventually it got swept under the rug and now, at 23, I feel sick to my stomach over what I let happen all those years ago.

This man was my 1st cousin.