Depressed and in need of help!!

I am struggling with life and everything that comes with it. I have been battling depression since the age of 11, when my mother accused someone of raping me. For years I had enough told her that nothing happened but she was still convince that he did it. I had to go through years of therapy and I developed a fear of men. I haven’t dated in a long time and every time I talk to someone I panic. I’m 23 years old, just graduated from college and starting an amazing internship this fall. I want to- no I need to get my life together. I don’t feel anything for anyone right now. I’m always running away from emotions and people. I have social anxiety, and I am extremely shy. I hate my body and everything about me. I used to self harm, never thought of suicide but I never feared death. I need help, I’m trying to figure out what to do with myself. I can’t even go to the store and pay for an item if the clerk is a male, I can’t sit next to a guy without panicking, and I can’t even talk to one without going crazy. I am attracted to guys though, I watch enough porn to know what I like. I have taken a break from therapy but I fear I need to go back. Please give me your advice on how to overcome all of my issues.

Thank you,

Claudia 🌴