Did I rush things? (Long but plz help)

So me and my boyfriend had the house to ourselves this week and we decided to take advantage of that. Were both virgins (him 18, me 19). The first night we just kinda messed around and had fun, nothing serious. I was gonna have us go at it that night but I felt sick to my stomach with nerves so we didn't. Well the next night we took it a step further. I took my bra off, then he had his hands on my thighs then between my legs. From there he went into my pants and in my underwear. Him being the one do to this I figured he was on board for it. He fingered me (WOW) and then I suggested I give him some attention too.

I was feeling him up, then undid his belt and was feeling him. His pants were off and we both decided his underwear band was still in the way so we took it off. I could tell he felt really exposed so I tried to make him feel comfortable and just play with him. I was rubbing it and trying my best to keep him happy and not uneasy. During this he told he had to use the bathroom and when he came back he told me that it has to get hard again, so I was doing what I could to do this. I was whispering things in his ear, kissing him all over, rubbing his thighs, feeling him up, and although we kinda got there again it next completely got hard again. He said it was because we had been going so long (4 hours) and that it'll work we just gotta give it a second.

As we were kissing we had taken my pants and underwear off and then I was just going crazy and I told him I had a condom. He was surprised and excited so we got it, put it on and just kinds eased into it. Well when it go to the point of penetration we had a tricky time. He was still kinda soft and I was having a hard time with the hole. We got it in but as soon as he started thrusting it was out again. I could tell he was a little embarrassed and frustrated and I was getting kinds flustered too. So we called it a night, kissed some more and went to sleep.

Well the next morning he was gonna go home, feed his dog, come back and we would try again. Idk why but I got this sense of hesitation in this plan but he was on board and I was eager.

Well and hour and half later I text him asking if everything was ok and if he was coming back. He said yes but then he asked if we wanted to meet downtown instead.

Now home girl was Hella confused because I was ready for round two and suddenly he's telling me to come downtown and not wait at the house for him to come take over my body. So, I get dressed, meet him and we had our usual fun just hanging out with each other but I did tell him I was confused. He said it wasn't me but it was just bad timing and that was sorry but it had nothing to do with me. I couldn't help but feel like I did something wrong or messed up for maybe he was even replused by me??? I said I understood and that I love him regardless.

Skip to that evening and we we're kissing in the car and things were getting heated so I suggest we go back to the house. Again, I felt a twing of hesitation but again I thought I was nerves. I asked him if he was ok and if he didn't want to I was totally fine with that. He said he's fine and that he wanted it. 30 minute drive back to my house and since we were out in the heat he got over heated and didn't feel well. We hung out at the house a little for him to cool down before we did anything. He took his shirt off to cool down more and then we started at it. We started getting more undressed and he ask me if we could keep it at 3rd base. I told him I'm totally fine with that.

Admittedly, I really did wanna utilities that second condom I had but I wanted him to be comfortable so I didn't care. Well he gets his hands in my pants again then gets me naked and starts fingering me for what felt like forever but probably was 15-20ish minutes (it was amazing) he had me in another world with those hands I was loosing my mind. I would check in to make sure he wasn't bored or wanted to stop and he said he's enjoying himself too. I was feeling him a little during the process so he didn't feel left out and well afterwards I asked if I could give him the same attention. He told me maybe not today and that he still wasn't feeling the best.

At this point I felt my stomach drop and felt like maybe I rushed him. I figured if he wanted this as much as I did there would be no set backs. I felt terrible, I made sure to check during the entire time to ask if he was ok and I was taking too far or if he wanted to stop. Never once he told me too much or too far so I figured things we're fine. We knew each other was nervous but I thought we were on the same page. After we had gotten dressed and he could tell something was bothering me so I asked him what I did wrong and if I rushed him and if he was upset with me. He said I did nothing wrong and that he loves me and that he's been having a hard time with it this week. Which I was ok cool fine it was just an off week for him but then I thought back to the first night he was over he kept poking me with it so why suddenly is this happening? Was it cause I didn't know the spit trick to keep his dick lubricanted? Was it cause I didn't know what to do with his balls? Was it because I couldn't get it in the hole either?

After we talked some he got dressed and I was still naked so I got dressed. He ask me if he got dressed too soon and I told him no I was just confused. But why was I so ready when he was always the one to take the first steps with this stuff? I wanted to stay and chill in bed some more before we headed back downtown but it seemed like he was kinds ready to head out. He wasn't like "come on let's go now" but he was just kinda like "hey, you wanna head out now?" Sweet and polite as always but idk. I'm just really conflicted. I was on cloud nine this week and now I feel kinda depressed and just bad. I wanna talk more about it with him but I don't wanna make him feel worse about it cause again I know he's embarrassed. I didn't mean to rush things if I did but my mind was thinking about how this is super rare this hid parents and my parents were outta down the same week and so if we were gonna do anything it was now. I waited until I was ready (ie not doing anything the first night) and I thought he was ready too by the way he was acting. We still love each other very much but neither of us have ever been in a situation like this so we don't really know what to do.

I'm sorry this was so long but any help would be appreciated. Thanks guys 💗