What would you do?

Question

So i’m 21 and my partner is 22 and we’re expecting a baby boy. 
My parents think the baby should have my last name because we’re not married. My partner wants him to have his last name for obvious reasons. 
Yes I hope me and my partner stay together and get married etc but you never know these days. I’m thinking hyphenated would be the best option but then people keep saying “what about the paperwork when you get married?” 
Then on the other hand people are saying what if we don’t stay together and the baby and him have his last name then he finds a new partner, marries her and they all have the same last name and mine is different. 
What would you do in the situation?

Answer

If he is actively in the picture and in the relationship, I think baby needs to get daddy’s last name.
Now, if he bailed and has been in and out the whole pregnancy, I wouldn’t.

Answer

This may be shocking, but you can keep your last name when you get married, or hyphenate it.

Answer

I think it's bullshit that a child "automatically" gets dad's last name. I'm really surprised how many people vote dad's name as long as dad is in the picture. What about mom? Mom is in the picture too and mom is the one carrying and delivering the child and more often than not mom is more involved parenting the child than dad is. 
I have nothing against tradition, but a "traditional" family is married and mom also has dad's last name so everyone is the same. 
If the parents are not married (or they are but mom didn't take dad's name) I think the baby should have either mom's name or a hyphenated last name.

Answer

I think it’s ridiculous that just because your partner isn’t a deadbeat baby should automatically get his name. Like, congrats on being a decent person? No one ever defaults to the mom’s name because she does the bare minimum of not abandoning her kid. 
I think you should do what feels right and best to you, and I don’t think it should have any bearing on your relationship status. If hyphenating feels right, then hyphenate! If your name or his name feels best, go that route. Don’t default to his name just because that’s what’a expected or commonly done. The father is no more deserving of that honor than you are!

Answer

This literally happened to my brother and I with our parents. I have one full-brother and we both have our dad’s last name, even though our parents never married and they split up when I was 4. My dad eventually married my step-mom and had my three half siblings with her and we all have the same last name. I’ve never once felt like I wasn’t connected to my mom or that I needed to change my name, because she’s my mom and she raised me and I love her no matter if we have the same name or not. ❤️ We’ve never had any problems at schools or doctors or anything for having different last names. 99% of people don’t even know we have different last names to begin with. 
I’m also 13 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband’s first child and he/she will have his last name and not mine. My husband is Korean and we got married in Korea and Koreans don’t change their last names when they get married. The children just take their father’s name. I don’t mind keeping my last name (it sounds better than with my husband’s anyways) and I don’t mind being different from my child, but I grew up knowing it wasn’t a big deal. 😊
This post ended up being long. Sorry! 😅 It’s also not trying to sway you toward giving your child his father’s last name, even though both of my perspectives are from having a dad’s last name. If you’re confused about making a decision and concerned about having a different last name than your child, just know other people have gone through the same thing and only you can choose the right one for you and your baby. This is the 21st century and you don’t have to give your child their dad’s last name if you don’t want to. Congratulations btw! 🎉

Answer

When I got married almost 8 years ago, I decided not to change my last name. After some research, we decided to give our son both of our last names. Our biggest reason was that when he's in school, it will be easier for both of us to work with administrators. The last thing we want is for him to fall down on the playground or something and then have the school question if one of us is a real parent. Let's just avoid that cluster and paperwork jam from the get-go.
If we get a divorce someday our son can decide what to do -- if he wants to keep using both names or just one. He'll still be mine and my husband's kid, so we want to use both names until he decides otherwise.
Hope that helps!

Answer

My boyfriend was with me throughout my whole pregnancy I thought we were gonna get married. Had our daughter he turned out to be a lame father and we broke up. She has his last name 🙄 I tried to change it but he has to agree on it as well. I totally regret it. Not saying that’s how it’ll turn out for you but it’ll be easier for the baby to have your name and if y’all stay together and get married then you can change it to his vs the other way where he would have to agree. Just my two cents.

Answer

My SO and I aren't married and we are also expecting a baby boy. The baby will only have his last name because that's what I feel is the right thing to do. Using my name or having it hyphenated didn't even cross my mind, I want this baby to carry on his last name. But like I said this is OUR choice and what WE feel is right, you do what you think is the best decision for your child. No one should make that decision except you and the father(if he's involved). Congrats and I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy and delivery!!

Answer

Give the baby his last name because he’s the father. I honestly don’t get this idea of “what if we don’t stay together nonsense”. Doesn’t make it any less his child. And he’s involved, double the reason.

What would you do?

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