What’s wrong with me?? ‼️‼️‼️‼️

Do you ever feel like you’re not functioning to your highest potential?

Sometimes I look at my life and I’m like wow - I’ve done so much in my 30ish years. I make good money, I had zero help from family and when I look at where I live, my kids, my husband, the school my kids go to, the sports they play, the friends they have, my job, my pay, the fun we have as a family, the love I feel, how I broke the cycle of abuse from my childhood and moved halfway across the country to get away from unhealthy family members (protect my kids) - sometimes I feel like I’ve done enough and I can stop being so hard on myself.

Other times I look in the mirror and I see that I’m overweight, I see my bedroom or home office as messy. I see my kids only doing one sport or one activity and I think I need to be doing more. I should be out on my lunch break going for a jog, eating salads, cleaning more, doing my hair and makeup everyday - and I feel like a failure- like I’m not doing enough or I’ll never be good enough. There are days, a couple times a year, when I feel like I can’t leave the house bcz I’m an embarrassment to my kids. My hair isn’t done, I’m overweight, I’m short, I don’t look my age (people sometimes think I’m my kids babysitter rather than their mom). I struggle thinking that people are probably thinking I’m a loser and not good enough.

Is this normal? Am I depressed? Idk if I should talk to my doctor about medication? I want to be the best version of me. Despite my success at work and how strong and confident I am in office - I’m a pathetic mess at home. My kids and husband have no idea that I feel like this - I think they likely see me for the same strong confident alpha female that people at work see me as but I really don’t feel that way inside. I’ve talked to my husband before but he just shuts it down and doesn’t let me speak - he will tell me I’m crazy and need to stop being so hard on myself - which would be great if I knew how to do that.

I really hope I’m not alone and that some of you ladies get down sometimes like this too. Anyone?