I’m lost

I moved to start away from my husband to escape the unhealthy marriage we had. I love him but I found that i stayed mad and I wasn’t happy because of his infidelity. Sleeping with other women and promising them marriage was a lot and I stayed because he said he knew he messed up and give him another chance to make it right. Well he didn’t, he cheated again. Then he was emotionally and physically abusive. When I fought back he said I was crazy and had me questioning my sanity. Since I left he started working and trying to get me back, but I honestly don’t know what to think. He talk everyday but I question his loyalty. I haven’t cheated and I feel like an ass because I’m faithful to someone who has been. He would blame me for stuff but I know it’s only his guilty self projecting his shit to me.

I have days where I’m so depressed because I feel that I failed my marriage and my life dream . How do I keep myself from slipping into deeper depression ?