A secret note to my boyfriend

We live together. We fight ... tonight it got bad again. I thought it was different. I thought we were better. Should I let him read this or keep it to myself?

Dear ***** idk if I’ll ever let you read this. I’m tired of writing the hurtful things you say ... so that I can remember. I’m tired of crying by myself after you fall asleep and laying awake because I can’t. So I’ll say this. I turn to God in the bad times but never the good and that’s my fault and maybe it’s the reason the good times don’t last. Sometimes I think I need to leave. For you and for me. For me to find my worth and who I am. To find out I’m not the things you say about me. And for you to be happy. To learn that you aren’t normal but that’s ok. To learn that loving yourself is essential and that you can love yourself without putting me down. I love you. I don’t want to leave. And I think sometimes I love you so much that I can love you for the both of us but maybe I’m wrong. I pray for your peace. I pray that you would be able to go to the doctor tomorrow and now you can’t. I’m sorry and not in the way that you think. I’m 22. I’m not God. I’m not a wizard. I can’t and I don’t know everything. But I’m learning. It’s unfair to think that I have the knowledge of your parents. I don’t. I’m not 45. But I am trying every single day. It’s hard not to get down on myself. Not even dollar tree will call me back about my application. And maybe what you say about me is true. I’m fat. I’m alone. I’m sad

He hates my parents. He says I don’t have his best interest. But I’m jobless because of him. I’m 2 hours away from my family because of him ... should I just pour everything out or just let it go?