I can’t tell if he loves me or if I even love him 😩😢 help

We been talking for 2 years.

We always been in a “none relationship, relationship”

He’ll beg for my attention when I’m not showing that I’m into him or that I’m pulling away.... but as soon as I do show interest and consider commitment he shuts off.

I feel like I’m in high school.

(In our 30s)

He says I change my mind to much about him... and he’s right... but he’s not understanding that when I want to go for it, I feel like I’m talking to a wall.

I just do t know. I feel like this is just so pointless.

So I try to end everything.

It he won’t let me! Says I’m his best friend.

I’m scared he’s just keeping me around for company or settling with me.

I want to feel proud of me, look at me in awe and respect and me the same to him

😩 what do I do