Coworker got handsy 😔

Hey there, ladies.

So I made a post on here a couple months back about my coworker (married 44yo) that was being flirty and kinda strange with me. Well per some of your suggestions, I stopped going out with him after work for a while. Then his wife started coming in and talking to me more often and we’d exchange movie recommendations and he would be very lovey with her in front of me, so I started to assume that everything was fine; no WAY he’d let his wife and I get buddy-buddy if he was trying to sleep with me! I went out with him after work maybe two more times after this. (JUST FYI, when I say “going out after work”, I mean an hour maximum in broad daylight over a single beer while he gave me pool pointers [he never touched me in this setting other than a high five over a good shot])

I feel like a naive idiot, but I really thought I had a good coworker buddy and that it was very innocent and he was just being nice if not a teensy bit cheeky.

Yesterday at work, my boss, him, and myself were all talking to a customer. I suddenly felt a hand in between my shoulder blades and was confused, then his hand slid down my back and found the curve of my waist so that he could pull me back a little bit, then he rubbed the small of my back. It was a very intentional, firm, intimate touch. It was with the purposeful familiarity I’ve only gotten from significant others in the past.

My boss was standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF US talking to a customer, faced away. I turned around when his hand began rubbing my lower back because I was SO CONFUSED. I saw him standing there and as soon as I turned around he jumped back and apologized profusely. I was too shocked to do anything about it then and tried to think of absolutely any way it could’ve been an accident.

It was not an accident. It couldn’t have been.

So, after work he invited me for pool and I answered vaguely that I had homework. I asked my boss to stay after close for a moment so I could talk to him. I told him what happened and he looked so devastated. He was the absolute SWEETEST about it, made sure I was okay and asked how I would feel most comfortable with him proceeding.

I think it’ll all be fine at work, my bosses are on my side. I’m just so sad and I feel icky and violated.

The question is, do I tell his wife?

(And y’all, don’t come after me for being naive on this. It was a learning experience for me. I am a very open, optimistic person willing to see the good in everybody and truly believe anyone could be your friend regardless of age or marital status. Guess I gotta practice a bit more foresight on that one.)