I don't wanna do this anymore. I feel so fundamentally different from everyone around me. I know that it makes me weird and I wish I could understand others and that I would stop screwing everything up. I'm really weird and I know that everyone hates me/ doesn't actually want to be around me/ doesn't want to understand me. I hate myself too. I've been depressed and suicidal for the past 10 years of my life, and I feel like I'm finally at my breaking point. I can't go to school anymore because it's so difficult for me to interact with people and keep up my work, and i feel like my friends don't actually care about me. My parents disconnected my phone and I haven't been able to contact them, but I know they haven't asked my parents where I am (I haven't been to school in over a week). I think they're mad at me for not going to the first meeting of the club I'm in charge of. I wasn't able to tell them I couldn't make it. My parents keep telling me that the fact that im mentally ill makes them have more pain than I do, and that i should stop being selfish and think about their feelings for once. I think that's screwed up, they've been abusing me my entire life and don't care about my suicide attempts or my self harm. They don't make any effort to understand or listen to me. They want to send me out to some Christian mental health boarding school in Kansas (I live in Michigan), and they always send me away somewhere whenever they don't want to deal with me. We're not even religious. I've reported their abuse in the past, but nothing ever happens because no one believes me. I finally recently found a therapist that I actually liked, but my parents just made me stop going and started me with a new one that I don't like. Everyone always wants me to take medication, but I don't want to, I don't think it'll help me, but no one respects that. The therapist I just got made me kind of upset and recommended Xanax, but I don't believe in giving Xanax to minors (I'm 16), and would never take it even if I was still open to medication. I don't see any hope for the future, even after I move out. I used to, but I feel like everyone is abandoning me. My own twin brother hates me now, too. He found out I'm in GSA, and he's homophobic and transphobic, and I thought everything would be fine, but I guess not. He really hates me. I also think I might be autistic, but my parents are so ableist and anti-autism that I can't even ask anyone to get me tested. I'm so lost. I just want to die, and it's not like I'm going back to the mental hospital, because they all suck where I live. Sorry this was long, I'm just so sad and angry right now.