Endometriosis is beating me down LONG POST

I know most won't read this but it makes me feel better to write it down and hope that it helps someone else.

As I sit in the chair of my surgeons office wondering what she's going to say, looking around the room at all of her successes and diplomas I start to get anxious and fiddle with my fingers. I waited there for what seemed like forever, finally she comes in and says it. Says my worst fear, what I've been praying would not happen, what I knew all along but didn't want to believe. My endometriosis is back for a third time. It's back and it's aggressive. I had just passed my 6 month mark after laparotomy surgery and a bilateral uterosacrel incision. ( c section incision, took my reproductive organs out and had to unstick them from my back and other organs, and cut the nerve from my uterus to my brain). It was a major surgery and a 2 month recovery period. I started having pains three months after that surgery and thought oh no here we go again. I immediately burst into tears as I knew what she was about to say. You have three options. 1. Have the surgery again, but it only has a %50 chance of working. 2. Have children now. 3. Have a hysterectomy. At only 24 and only 8 months into my relationship it was kind of a shock and a lot to process. We decided to have children now! So we tried for three months. Nothing. It was stressful, scary, and exhausting; especially when you in pain everyday. We took about two months off since we were gone on vacation. I had all the testing done to see if my uterus and Fallopian tubes are ok. Me and my now fiance walk into his office expecting the best! Well again my world came crashing down again. I have a pollup in my uterus which is not really a big deal, a simple surgery to remove it.. but that would be my 4th surgery on my reproductive system. Okay! I think I can deal with that, but then he says well one of your tubes is stretched.... great...probably because my right ovary is wrapped around my colon and the other is behind my back from adhesions. Okay, hopefully that's it. Wrong. My egg count is 1.71 the usual for a girl my age is 2.5 or higher. I almost burst into tears again. My fiancé is all happy and upbeat because his test are above average. I find myself sitting here on the hard cold bathroom floor wondering how we're going to afford IVF, wondering what I did to deserve this, or why me. It could be way worse yes. But for now this is my worse. This makes it all so real that it is back and that I am broken. I want a family

So badly and it seems like the world is working against me. I can feel myself falling back into my depression and not feeling happy about anything again. I feel as if endometriosis is winning, I am loosing to my own body and I am utterly terrified of what's to come.