I'm going to start by apologising for how disorganised this post might be. I'm more typing as the thoughts come into my head so sorry for that.

I've been having problems with motivation at the moment, today has been the worst yet. All day I've felt close to tears and have cried over nothing several times. On Friday I had a scan to check there is nothing sinister as I've been having severe groin and abdominal pains and since then I've been feeling 'off'. I feel awful about today, I love my girls so much but just had no motivation to play and had to force myself to do so. I was relieved when they were napping as I didn't have to force anything.

I'm back to work after maternity leave in 2 weeks and I don't want to go. I've had enough of the job and after 5 years of giving my all they can't help me out with needing to change some hours around due to childcare issues. I get they don't have to but they have said I can't drop any hours because it doesn't meet business needs however I can use my annual leave to take the majority of Mondays off. To me it's essentially the same thing, but it's me losing out by using all of my leave. I can't leave full stop as financially that doesn't work and I need a job with a comparable wage.

My dad is currently going through treatment for kidney cancer and I feel like it's worse than he is letting on.

I hate how I look, 2 C-sections have left me with a hideous kangaroo bulge and I can't stop eating, I'm getting bigger and bigger. On top of that since getting the contraceptive implant in my arm I'm almost constantly bleeding and feel disgusting, I sweat all of the time and have started sprouting chin hairs.

I'm not sure what this post is for, I think I just needed to get everything out. I'm clearly having a pity party. Thanks to anyone who got this far.