Weaning my toddler 😭👍🏼🙃

So I’ve been stubbornly feeding my toddler for two years, mainly because I loved the bond and wanted her to feel like mommy was always here but also because every time a family member or stranger told me “she’s too big for that” “you’re gonna regret it” “it doesn’t do anything for them nutritionally” etc. my blood boiled and I said “fuck you” by continuing to feed (yes, I attempted education but these assholes just roll their eyes like I’m making shit up).

I continued nursing even during my pregnancy, and while I thought I could push through and let my little sunflower 🌻 self wean I noticed about three months ago I had developed an aversion to nursing her. I figured it was nothing and I could push on just fine, until my rose 🌹 was born. I soon realized that I could not ignore it anymore and it became a problem very quickly. I wanted to gentle wean but having bipolar and just giving birth meant that I had rage I wasn’t expecting. I haven’t talked to anyone about it because I don’t think they’ll understand. My husband certainly doesn’t, I’m having issues nursing my newborn (she’s sucking and swallowing like a champ but I’ve had to start supplementing with formula because she isn’t gaining weight like she should) and he isn’t understanding of my feelings at all. Of course, my little ones health comes first which is why we supplement now but I’m so angry, hurt, and disappointed with myself and my body that once again my milk is not enough. I had to supplement with my oldest too, and while I will always put their health first it truly is heartbreaking for me.

Back to the point of the post, tonight after moving in with my mom and dad so we can get on our feet (another story entirely) I was able to sing and rock my sweet sunflower 🌻 to sleep with no problem. I’m so excited to be moving on from this phase in our journey of life though I am very disappointed that I couldn’t figure it out and have the patience to continue nursing her until she was ready. I grew up without my parents and have deep abandonment and stability issues that have affected every relationship in my life. My husband is the only one who has been able to put up with my pain and lashing out. While I currently am very angry with him and feel abandoned I am grateful for him and hope I can work through this for my children. Just needed to get this off my chest, kudos and a margarita to you if you managed to read this whole thing 😆🙃