I feel like a horrible person

We have been trying for baby #2 and I finally got pregnant but my hcg has not been rising as it should. 24, 34, 50, then 56. I have been going for blood draws every other day for over a week now. Today I got a level of 54 and I feel like a terrible person but I'm relieved because now we have an answer even if it isn't the one I wanted. I so so wanted this baby but this limbo of not knowing has been so hard this past week. At this point I'm so worn out from worry and stress and despair that I'm just ready for the nightmare to be over so I can begin to move on and heal and try again. But I feel like an absolutely horrible person... Please tell me someone else felt this way and it isn't just me...

I'm almost 6 weeks but I don't think the baby grew much at all. I have to go to the ER tonight because my doctor said that she doesn't think my cramps are normal since I'm not bleeding and is suspecting etopic. I'm also light-headed and have a headache but told the doctor that I think it is because I have a cold.