eating problems

so i don’t want to say i have an eating disorder because i don’t want to self diagnose, but I’m 15, 5’2 & weigh 95 pounds. I restrict everyday and eating too much food gives me panic attacks. my mom has started to notice my weight loss and is making sure i’m eating & making me drink pediasure everyday(which I dump down the drain) and i’m afraid she’s catching on. i feel like I should tell her, but i’m scared. it’s almost like half of me is saying I need to get better & the other half is telling me to go further. the thought of recovery is terrifying but I also feel like I should tell my mom. any tips on coping with the fear of recovery & telling my mom?