Haven't slept in a month

I gave birth to my first baby September 17th. My husband and I tried for 2 years with multiple losses so this baby was very wanted. This is Sooo much harder than I expected. My baby is 1month old and I'm miserable, depressed and I often think of my life before the baby. I never thought I would get "postpartum depression" but it's in full swing. I'm not myself. I'm completely sleep deprived. breastfeeding is extremely hard and I'm ready to throw in the towel. I don't know if I make enough milk and my newborn is CONSTANTLY falling asleep while eating. This SUCKS. This is not what I expected. I Really hope this gets better. I honestly do not like having a newborn. How can I feel this way when this is all I wanted for so long. 😭😭😭😭😭😭