What is wrong with me? Am i fucked up in the head?

Ever since i was raped, i have been sexually turned on by the thought of my boyfriend forcing himself on me. Like i want him to hold me down.... Do it with me while I'm sleeping....am i sick in the head? I feel disgusted with myself. My boyfriend is totally NOT okay with doing this solely because i was raped and he doesn't want it to be a trigger. I have never been into domination until after i was raped. 😢 I don't get it.... what's wrong with me?

(Btw i was raped during my sleep and woke up to a man on top of me, it was to late to run)