I need friends but not just any friends

(Long desperate & everywhere post warning )

So it’s been bothering me too long , I really want “Christian friends” ones who will look out for me spiritually and lift me to be a better me and vice versa . I want friends who I can talk to about deep meaningful subjects of life ,that care more about their spirituality than anything else.

I want friends who believe In the Bible fully and who can’t settle for less than what it says.

I haven’t made many friends like this ,and my soul is hurting from it. I do suffer from social anxiety and depression (it runs in my family) I don’t have great past story besides the Lord saving me . My life is messy , I’m a young mom and wife trying to figure it all out.

All I know for sure is I believe in Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins.

Last year I fell away from the Lord and am working slowly to get back in relationship with him . I made some mistakes in my walk and held forgiveness from myself much too long,and it’s carried me away.

Believing in God hasn’t been the issue.

It’s more of believing that he is with me after I’ve disappointed him so many times.

I am working on that, I know it’s the enemy.

But back to friends,I really just want someone who genuinely cares for me .

I haven’t established myself at a new church since I moved a year ago . I’m worried I’ll do the same thing I did at my old church and just try to go in and then get out. Anxiety is the blame for that.

Also I am really afraid of opening up for fear of judgment and rejection.

I’m definitely an outcast in societies terms,and unfortunately in Some Christians terms .

I am not rich , I am not the prettiest and like I said don’t have a put together life or past. I get stares a lot as I am a young mom of three and now have one on the way.

I am a stay at home mom, my husband is mostly away at work. I have no new friends in the city I moved to.

The one friend and my sil that I feel close to live about an hour away.

I have a mom that I am close to but she is a severe alcoholic. It feels like a false love. I don’t see her often and she maybe has visited twice in over a year with my father.

She calls me at times but I often don’t answer because she’ll talk to me drunk.

There’s a lot more family related issues/past that weigh in to my anxiety and depression,such as my child hood with alcoholic parents.

I feel as if the world automatically judges me when the see me , not everyone of course but a lot .

The only things I am rich in is Gods love, my husband and kids that I have .

Is there anyone else like me? Would you want to connect ? Sorry this was not well written I am just in bad spot and feeling lonely being pregnant on top of that ,not a good mix.