What should I do?
I’m sixteen years old and I’m looking for family advice. My mom met my dad at fourteen and had me at the age of seventeen, they had a thirteen year long relationship which ended when I was around nine years old. I saw my parents fight a lot, I saw affairs and I was put in the middle so many times. I knew everything that happened because I was told and I saw it all. I went to the court dates when they were figuring out what days I would go with my dad. I was a messenger because they weren’t adult enough to talk to each other. My mother has talked crap about my father for almost seven years now and has never thought “that’s her father.” I have a little brother who I’ve taken care of because my mom was always working and going to school. I love my mom and I see how much she has sacrificed for my brother and I. It’s been my mom, my brother, and I for many years and I’m adapted to that. My family is separated, that was change enough for me.
My mom has decided to be in a relationship with someone who makes her happy. I want that for her and I want him to treat her well. They’ve been together for six months and I met him two months ago. I liked him a lot, but I didn’t like a man sleeping in my home. My mom had yelled at me for being too comfortable with a man and I should be cautious on what gender I am. I didn’t understand why she would say that to me when he’s sleeping at my house. Currently he’s always coming over, and I’ve felt like I can’t breathe in my own home because there is a guest there. I’m not used to having a man around all the time and he is a guest, not my family member.
I don’t have much people to talk too, and the few people in my life had told me to speak with my mom. I talked with her and asked her if we could have days with just us, like normal. We haven’t had one day in our home or a day where it’s just been us three. I go with my father every other weekend and every Thursday. It’s not as if she doesn’t have time for him and can’t see him when we aren’t there.
I’m not used to this or feeling so upset. I expressed to my mom, I’m not used to this, and she got defensive calling me selfish. I’ve never had a relationship where I felt I could be open with my mom, it was always better to lie or just keep it to myself. I’ve always wanted to feel like I could tell her my feelings but she has a mindset of “I went through worse.” Just because someone has a worse experience than you do, does not make their trama less. Yesterday morning, I talked to her and tried to completely get my points across, without causing conflict. She decided after that to go and watch a movie with her boyfriend, and left my brother home alone for four hours until my grandma and I came back home. She didn’t come home all night and we hadn’t ate because my grandma was concerned about moving more of her stuff into our apartment. I felt rejected. My mom works all the time and after work, she doesn’t spend time with me or my brother. Weekends are our time to be together and spend time with each other. I had explained to her I wanted to spend time with her, sitting there crying about it. My feelings, she had decided, didn’t matter.
The people I have in my life always told me I should talk to my mom about these things, yet the moment I do, this is the result I get. I feel like complete crap while my mom decides what happens whether or not I’m not used to this. I had a breakdown last night overthinking about how everything in my life is somehow messed up. How nothing is right and how alone I am. My family thinks I’m crazy and my mom thinks Im hormonic. She thinks I’m dramatic and I should get over my self. There is nothing I could do for her to compliment me or say anything positive about what I’m doing in school or in my life, unless it’s my birthday.
How do I stop feeling so depressed and hurt? I’m taking the day off from her and told her to stay away from me, but what should I do when I have to go back home?