After effects?

A year ago a girl had sex with me and I was uncomfortable with it but I couldn’t speak up. After that I became submissive and cannot say no to certain situations. I was raped by a male in May and ever since then I liked the fear and feeling of being forced. I am not sure what it is but I enjoy it now. Then over the summer I was in an abusive relationship and I ended up enjoying the sexual pain but it caused a lot of mental issues. After that split it left me enjoying terrible things. What can I do to fix myself here? Am I putting myself in bad situations because of my inability to speak up? How can I fix all of this?