Does your spouse agree that a SAHM is work?

Question

I’m just wondering where other dads or partners stand on the whole being a mom is a job topic.. I am a SAHM, and while I don’t leave out to get a paycheck, I feel a little less valuable in my household when Hubby comes home and throws his job in my face. Little smart remarks and feeling like he shouldn’t have to touch a thing in the house except his game controller, make me feel like I’m a little unappreciated for the part I play in this family. Which is all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, paying bills, anything that has to do with the baby, etc.. But if we were to put her in daycare, he still thinks I should be the one doing he majority of the house work🤔 I go nowhere, have no friends really, and any activities I do are for my daughter. Does this mean I’m any less valuable than he is just because he’s the one paying the bills, even though it was both our choice to keep her out of daycare until she’s older?

Answer

Yes. My husband cannot handle it when he's the one home with them. I was in the hospital for a week and came home to a total wrecked house. I was like dude wtf? And he sighs and says, "babe it just kept happening! The stuff, I clean it, they fuck it up!" Then he asked how I was able to make dinner in less than half an hour. He said it took him over an hour and he still forgot to make vegetables. So 3/5 days he ordered food 🤦
He used to be a preschool teacher and also did daycare so he said doing all that AND housework AND errands is impossible and he still doesn't see how I get it all (or most) done everyday. 
He certainly appreciates me and says he's thankful he is the one "working."

Answer

I’m going to be staying home once our third is here. Daycare would outweigh what I make so it has to happen. I said to my husband I felt bad I wouldn’t be working and he said “are you kidding? You will still be working. You will be home with the kids, that’s harder than my job” (he is an analyst for a huge media company)

Answer

I'm sorry, that really sucks that he's treating you that way. Does he have any experience with running the house and being the main caretaker? My husband works long hours, commutes, and still helps with or takes care of dinner a few times a week. On the weekends he helps catch up around the house. He takes care of the property and pays the bills. Most importantly though, he tells me regularly how much he appreciates how I care for our daughter. He's an amazing dad, but he admits he couldn't take being at home with her all day and he feels bad for me. I tell him regularly how much I appreciate all he does and I feel bad for him that he doesn't get to spend as much time with her as I do. We put ourselves in the other's shoes and truly appreciate the effort we each put in to make it work. The way we see it, we should both have the same amount of free time. It's not really even for us now because I'm still nursing and I'm the only one that can put our daughter to sleep, but he does everything he can to help, so it's close enough. Please tell your husband how he's making you feel and give him a chance to do your many jobs. Before we became parents my husband thought being a SAHM was easy. Maybe your husband will change his mind too. 💕

Answer

Yes my hubby agrees its work. Where we live is too expensive for me to not have a paying job though. So I'll be taking on people to care for again at some point in the near future. But my man would be totally content with me staying home all day with the kids longterm if we could afford that

Answer

My husband says he knows it’s a lot of work..but sometimes I wonder if he really means it (and knows it) sometimes I just get a vibe, idk of that makes sense. Lol
But ya I’d love to see him deal with our son (and soon to be 2 sons) for even just a whole day..he gets stressed out sometimes when he’s watching our son when I’m making dinner🤦🏼‍♀️

Answer

I am dealing with something similar. I work on an on-call basis maybe 1-2 days a week. I used to work full time but went to part time for my son and one on the way. I’m pregnant and miserable most of the time because of it, lots of pelvic pain. Hubby has no sympathy. Anytime I ask for help he says well your not working so you can do it. It’s very frustrating. Especially when I’m having back or hip pain. He does cook a lot which is nice but that’s about it. I do everything else.   He doesn’t realize that from the time I wake up to the time till I go to bed, I’m “ working”. I joke with him all the time that I’ll go back to work full time so he can quit his job and be a stay at home dad. He knows he couldn’t handle it. He’s terrible at cleaning. Besides cooking and yard work, he doesn’t do much to help me out.  I have to ask him to give our son a bath on the days my back is killing me. I appreciate that he works hard for our family so I can stay home to raise our children but I wish he could help out or appreciate me more.

Answer

My husband agrees it’s work, and also hard work. He sees me working all day and up through the night. I don’t get to clock out of my job.

Answer

He doesn’t see as a job but he does believe it’s the better option ... maybe it’s because I still work as a consultant on some nights and weekends. 
When I was a 100% SAHM he didn’t think it was a big deal at all, it wasn’t until I started working again that he appreciated me being home doing everything.

Answer

My husband is the exact same way!! It was his idea for me to stay home until our daughter started school. But he always throws it in my face how he makes the money and now all of a sudden I need to get a job but still do all of the stuff I do now while working 😡

Does your spouse agree that a SAHM is work?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products