I can't tell my friends/family about what's on my mind because I know I'll get the third degree. So I'm dumping it here in the hopes that someone will understand or at least be gentle/supportive as I sort through the thoughts.

Backstory: about 9 years ago I was dating this awesome guy (articulate, sweet, funny, caring). He broke it off because it was long distance and we were both so young we wouldn't be able to afford traveling to see each other much and neither of us could up and move states away. We had a lot of growing up to do and that wouldn't have happened naturally had we stayed together.

We've remained really good friends the whole time (well, I took a time out to grieve but bounced back after a bit). Even during my marriage and later my divorce. Through both of us having kids and other failed relationships. I've considered him my very best friend for the last 8 months. I don't know where I'd be without him. He stuck with me through my hardest times, lifting me up when I needed it and helping me find myself again after a tough blow to the ego.

He flew out here for a long weekend and it was amazing. It was like nothing changed at all but also like everything changed for the better. He treated me like a queen (I got used to being a doormat in the past). I fell hard for him and he's confided in me that he did too. Apparently he's been hoping all these years that eventually it would work out and basically said that he's not going to let me be The One That Got Away again.

"I can't watch you marry some other skeezebag. I want you to marry this skeezebag if everything works out that way."

It's endearing because he's the opposite of a skeezebag and he'll say anything to make me laugh. We joke about what we'd put in our vows and stupid little things that bring back my real smile.

Logically, I know I'm getting ahead of myself. I know there are a lot of hormones at play here. But something is telling me that this is right. I'm doing my best to rein in the emotions but this one's got me feeling some type of way!

So can someone just be excited with me for a second? I haven't been this happy in a very long time...if ever. I don't have all the answers to our big questions, but for the first time I know without a doubt I'm not alone in finding the answers.