I’m back...

Well ladies I’m back in this group... i had an early miscarriage (blighted ovum) in March. Then i found out i was pregnant again in May and i was due in January. We were so excited once we made it past 12wk! We then hit 20w and found out we were having a baby girl! Malia was her name... my husband was so proud and excited!

We went to go pick up her crib and my husband picked out this cute little fleece jacket for her when she got a little older.. everything was going so good! And then the next day i noticed i had way more Braxton Hicks than normal... and i didn’t feel her move for a few days... this all happened at 22wks...

I came home from a walk and tried to use my Doppler... nothing... i knew something was wrong immediately ... so my husband drove me to L&D and 20mins of a Doppler and 2 u/s later we found out Malia was gone... i had a D&E the next day... we lost her on Sept. 10th at 22w 3d...

It’s been 2 months with out my baby and it never seems to get any easier... from my milk coming in, to deciding funeral arrangements, life insurance talk nothing seems to be easy.. i haven’t been able to sleep... 3 weeks ago i had a panic attack while trying to go to sleep because i kept replaying the whole situation in my head over and over and i couldn’t stop... and yesterday my period returned...

I’m pretty sure i have some anxiety/depression problems .. but i swear if it wasn’t for my husband taking care of me I’d probably be 10x worse

I’m pretty sure non of this makes sense.. I’m kinda just typing as i go.. we can’t try again until March.. and That’s what I’m trying to focused on.. the future.. i know the next time i will bring a baby home!

Sorry for my rambling..