I feel so lost!
So I’m 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant, and I found out last night that my SO has been talking to another women on messenger telling her how she’s the reason for his smile before he goes to bed and how she makes him hard and I also found out he has been talking to her from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed and he will talk to her right after we’ve been intimate, makes me feel so unwanted because what if he is thinking about her when we have sex. I also confronted him several times and asked if he was messaging this certain woman and he denied it every time. I messaged her last night and found out the truth. After reading some of the messages between the two my heart just is shattered into pieces. I talked to him tonight about it and he pretty much made it out to be like it’s my fault he chose to lie and cheat via internet on me, and told me for about 4 weeks he has gotten close to wanting to tell me to leave because I’m not holding up to what I said when we met about keeping the house maintained etc, i said so instead of coming to me and trying to fix the problem you go to another woman and make the problem worse, I said I will find somewhere else for me and my children to go since you don’t want us here. He didn’t say anything. I went down stairs and asked for some of these really big black garbage bags and he was like what we don’t have enough kitchen bags and I said that’s not what there for and he automatically knew what i was talking about and said oh so that’s how it’s going to be and I guess we’re done talking. And I said what do you expect I told you I’d leave you didn’t say a thing, how do you expect me to feel when I’ve done nothing but had your back and didn’t turn away when you needed someone the most I was there and you did that to me and I started crying and i walked away and went back upstairs. I’m sitting in the bed having a panic attack and I’ve been crying pretty much all day and I’m starting to cramp up some. He comes up and was like yeah I know I fucked up and I know what I did was wrong and did I learn my lesson from it hell yeah i did and was like do I want you to leave fuck no I don’t and I was like could have fooled me and he slapped his knee really hard and huffed and said well if you want the bags you know where they are and walked away. I’m just so numb and so shocked and heart broken. He was lying to me for over a month how am I suppose to believe anything that is coming out of his mouth. Telling me he loves me and wants to marry me but I don’t see how you can hurt someone so badly if you wanted that. And this is going to sound so fucked up to say but I’m not even thrilled and excited about having the baby now after all this, yes I love my unborn child unconditionally but I’m not excited about this pregnancy anymore. I’m sorry for ranting I need too I don’t have any friends to rant too all my so called “friends” aren’t there for me when I need someone the most.
****
Thank you for everyone that had input on what I’m going through, it really does help to know what others think as well since I don’t really have anyone. Also last night when I went to bed (I went to bed before him, I was just so emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted) I was just laying there trying to go to sleep which of course all this still weighing on my brain heavily, he came in and of course did the nightly routine as always (change into clothes that are comfortable,brush teeth, use bathroom, wash hands, etc) then got into the bed, I just laid there acting like I had already falling asleep and he rolled over and started rubbing my back and my stomach (I was laying in my side facing away from him) and I didn’t give me any type of reaction to it so finally he rolled over facing away from me and normally we do sleep like that a lot facing away from each other but we’ll have like our butts or some part of use touching each other but last night I didn’t do it at all and I slept as close to the edge as i possible could. Well this morning he gets up for work as usually gets ready and walks up to me kisses my cheek tells me he loves me and places his chin on my cheek and says please don’t leave and rubs my hair and then walks out to go to work.
He just needs to understand this is unacceptable and you can’t just do this to someone who you supposedly love and that is carrying your first child or any of your children for that matter. I’m really considering leaving and living apart from him to see if he actually does change or not. But I just don’t know how I will be able to trust him again.
Let’s Glow
Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy
Glow helps you navigate your fertility journey with smart tools, personalized insights, and guidance from medical experts who understand what matters most.
25+ million
Users
4.8 stars
200k+ app ratings
20+
Medical advisors