Help 🤔

Ok so In October and November I've felt great. But before that and now I feel worthless, I used to hit myself, I have a history of putting myself down and telling myself that I'll die alone etc. I've had multiple panicky attacks some I have no idea why. Please help me, I don't tell anyone bc I don't wanna be called an attention seeker. I put on a face everyday. Today is all just rushed at me. Update:10 min. pass I feel completely ok. Ugh I'm confused.