Uncomfortable weight

So im always asking my man to experiment, and i went out and bought a school girl outfit and hes been asking me to wear it and ive just been so nervous... so per special sunday funday request i put it on.

I felt so ridiculous. Like im a 20 year old grown ass woman wearing a tiny school girl outfit and hes just sitting there playing with his dick waiting for me.

I have a full body mirror hanging on the outside of my bedroom door and i felt so gross...and fat.

Im 202lbs and i have gained basically 60lbs since last august when i had my miscarriage, my close friend died, my best friend and I were no more, as well as im working full time and dont have energy to take care of myself. And i have been going through my highs and lows.

But i dont know... i was so triggered and im so uncomfortable in my body now...

To top it off i made him wear a condom and he lost his boner. Which i always take personally even though i know i shouldnt.

Help a girl out,

Drop workout routines, daily meal plans.

I struggled with Bulimia and Anorexia for 5 years and the past 2 years i was healthy and i fought it off until now im fat and i so desperately want to go back to what i know makes me loose weight.... i wont, but its bugging me.