Am I insane or does my best friend like me?
Okay, so this is more complicated than it should be, and I need to talk to people I can be real with, so I thought what better than discussing this with the eve community? You see, when I try to tell my friends about this, I have to leave out a few details because I can't completely open up about this issue to just anyone since it deals with some sensual things, and I have trust issues. Anywho, back to the topic at hand:
I've been friends with this girl ever since 6th grade, so that amounts to about 4 years (I'm 15 years old btw). We connected because we're more quirky compared to our peers where we live, bonding over shared passions for roleplay, character design, anime, fandoms, etcétera etcétera. We became increasingly close once she was the only one who came to my birthday party the year we met, and our best-friendship continued to grow from there.
After 6th grade, we were never in any classes together again, and I transferred to a different school in the second half of 7th grade. I now attend a different high school from her as well, even though it's a magnet school. But worry not, we still manage to hang out on breaks and weekends.
Now that I gave some background, it's time to discuss the juicy bits. You see, we have two different types of roleplay, spoken and written. Our primary roleplay is spoken, and sometimes it can include demonstrations.
((Emphasis on demonstrations))
In that roleplay, we have two particular characters that are in a love-hate type of friendship, and have the hots for each other even if they won't admit it. By that I mean they've literally kissed/entered romance scenes several times but continue to deny their love for each other.
Before you start thinking her and I have kissed, slow down, those demonstrations haven't gotten THAT far. How do I put this..? Sometimes in the more cuddly scenes I guess, we'll begin acting it out too. Like if her character is pursuing or trying to cuddle mine, she'll do that to me (We've also done the same thing with wrestling but that's a story for another time). To be more specific, on some occasions the farthest it's gotten is her nuzzling/breathing on the back of my neck, spooning me, whispering in my ear, tracing her fingers along my back or sides, poking my butt (in a joking way), tickling me, probably some other things I don't remember. And then when my face or ears get red she'll sometimes point it out and I make excuses. She's also said rather recently in a discussion about sexuality/romantic orientation that she's confused but it seems that she thinks of guys more romantically or platonically and girls more sexually.
Yet at the same time, she also calls me her sister from another family, calls me her best friend, reacts awkwardly at the idea of us being in a relationship, uses cheesy pickup lines and then says "but I'm not serious though" or "just kidding," and she's already a touchy person in general (but not like THAT around other people). I would ask some of my friends but since we go to different schools, my friends don't hang out with her, and we only really hang out one-on-one.
I feel like I'm getting hella mixed signals. Sometimes I think she does like me but she doesn't want to admit it, or she doesn't like me and does all of those things unintentionally. And if her concern is risking our friendship, I can see that as a possibility too, hell, I share that fear too. I don't know exactly how I feel about her, since I've only had one crush in my life and it was on a boy. Maybe I'm just overthinking all of this. Am I going crazy?
Could you guys please give me some insight? I'm so confused..
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