I’m Sick of Having Feelings for Other People.. I’M DONE!

I just wanted someplace to let out my feelings even tho I know I’m gonna end up not talking to this guy anymore but here it goes..

So yet again I met a guy, we’ll call A, from tinder. He lives in one state and I live in another but he’s only 30 min away from me. It’s been almost a month of just texting until we finally decided to see each other last Wednesday. We both smoke weed but currently I’m taking a break but he said he wanted to smoke so I was down for it. Call me dumb but he asked me to get it and I did and that he’ll cashapp me back and he still hasn’t cause he doesn’t have the app but that he will (honestly I just wanted to include everything idc if he pays me back or not). So when I saw him everything was good and nothing was awkward between us. After smoking we ended up hooking up in my car mind u and it’s not in my character to just hook up w someone but I wanted to try something different. I was confused tho because tho he goes to a pretty strict school, as do I, that doesn’t allow visitors at a certain time but before I got there he was asking if I wanted to spend the night (it was after 2am) and not once did we go up. I didn’t mind tho. Call me dumb again but he basically asked to buy something from 7/11 and he wanted to use my money. When we got there he was like “if if ur not willing to give me a dollar then there’s no point in us being here” so I was like ok whatever cuz all he got was 2 drinks, which I thought one was for me even tho I said I didn’t want anything but still I thought he still got me something anyways. But that night he was talking about just wanting to have someone to fuck and that’s it without there being pressure or strings attached but he said when he met me he wanted more and that he wanted to be my boyfriend eventually, blah blah blah and that he actually likes me because of how different I am (this was before the sex). We were talking about how I’ve never had a boyfriend and how I’m picky and all that shit.

Fast forward to yesterday (Saturday) we wanted to see each other and my friend and I already planned on going to this lounge that night but there was literally no parking and A texted me saying that his basketball team won a game so they were throwing a house party at his friends place so my friend and I decided to go. When we got to the “party”(it doesn’t even deserve that name), it was completely dead for one. It was in a dark basement, literally no lights except for the lights whenever people were on their phones or went into the bathroom, no alcohol, no weed, no snacks, nothing. Everyone was there standing around talking. All the DJ was playing was twerk songs expecting girls to dance on them. On top of that A who invited me LEFT me to go off with his friends or get danced on or whatever. My friend wanted me to text him asking him about alcohol but I told her no cause of how he treated me. Then after being there for God knows how long, after talking shit about the “party” and contemplating on when to leave, my friend and I left. I even told her how I bet he wouldn’t notice, which I was very much right because when I saw him, he looked drunk af.

But yeah that’s it really. It hurt my feelings cause I actually was starting to like him and that’s not something I usually do and then he treats me like I’m nobody. Doesn’t matter how drunk he is btw because he knew I was coming and he knew that I didn’t know anyone there but the friend I came with and he was gassing me up just a few days ago in person and he’s been doing it through text. I know my worth but it sucks to be treated in such a way because i don’t easily let my guard down and I felt like he played with it. I’m just so sick of these guys playing with me and I don’t know how to weed out the bad guys. I just want something with someone that’s genuine and real and I want someone to actually be about me.. I’m trying to be patient but it just feels like God has forgotten about me and my prayers aren’t being answered