Bipolar and pregnant

I need some advice and I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve spoken to all my drs and have gotten my medication down to as little as possible for my to survive. I battle extreme anxiety due to my bipolar. My longest episode lasting me 73 days. It’s been over 34 days now without any relief. I’m 7w5d pregnant and I can’t cope with something I’ve so desperately wanted and now my brain is taking the joy from me. I don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m going to be such a bad mother because I’m so miserable everyday to the point I find it hard to even breathe at times. I’m high risk due to this and I’m scared I’m failing and will be even worse when the baby is here. I just want to hear something positive from moms. I know I’m strong enough to do this but I just can’t seem to beat it. Thanks for letting me vent