Ready to give up breastfeeding already.

breastfeeding is just not for me. My experience traumatized me. Little one lost over 10% of his body weight plus got jaundice cuz he wasn’t getting enough to eat. I basically starved him for a week and that’s something I can’t get over. We moved on to formula and pumping which for him is going great. He put on 6 oz in 2 days. Amazing what happens when he actually has food. I’m not enjoying pumping at all though and am wanting to stop but feeling conflicted. I feel like I’m getting no sleep between feeding him every 2 hours and pumping every 3 hours. I rarely pump at night just because my sleep is more valuable to me. I know going full formula is so expensive but what about my sanity. I feel like I’m losing bonding time with my baby cuz I have to pump. And of course I know all the benefits of breast milk and want to give those to him but isn’t having a happy rested mother more beneficial to him. Idk I’m just so confused.